The Schultink Family

Reflections

2011-02-22T18:43:00.001+11:00

I’m home from my 2 day retreat for Bible College. I did it, I made it through, I did it by myself and had a great time!

It’s been 10 years since I have been able to drive that far by myself and stay away from the house for 2 days. I wasn’t sure I was ever going to be able to do something like that again.

I remember thinking a year ago, while at retreat with Abes by my side, that I would be doing the same thing this year at retreat. I’m so thankful that it was not the case.

I drove 2 hours, in peak-hour, gridlocked traffic, to the retreat. That in itself was so difficult. When I arrived, I was welcomed with open arms – however each person was asking “Oh, so where is your hubby?” The smile that then spread across my face was priceless. I responded with “Oh, I’m here by myself!”. They were so proud of me – was really affirming.

Apart from the fact of driving there, and staying there for 2 days, there was the issue of food. I am not good at eating food I have not prepared. My OCD, which revolves around vomiting and sickness, was on high alert. I managed to eat something each meal – even some meat which is a big thing for me.

I had a constant headache for the 2 days (from the tension and clenching my jaw etc), which would normally have set off my anxiety and OCD (obsessing over the headache being a symptom of a tummy bug etc). I didnt sleep very well overnight, and woke exhausted, yet joyful, because I had made it through the night and was into the 2nd day.

Well, I’m home now, so made it through until the end of the 2nd day of retreat – headache and all. I even managed to drive an extra half and hour to go and visit my parents before driving home.

While I was driving home, a song came on – one of my favourites – and I completely lost it. I pulled over and wept…

Part of the song goes like this:

My chains are gone

I’ve been set free.

My God, my Saviour has ransomed me

I was weeping, sobbing, crying out from the depths of my being. I was being released, restored, renewed. My chains were falling off, freedom was washing over me and I cannot explain the emotions I felt.

10 years it has taken to me do something like this. There have been times over the past decade where going to the letterbox was impossible – after so many years of my anxiety and OCD controlling my life, I never thought I could find freedom – even just a glimpse of it…

My healing has begun. I am not healed yet. It is a journey I am finally on.

My chains are gone and I am being set free. No words can explain what that means to me…

Day 6 – Break Away

2011-02-05T18:06:00.001+11:00

At the moment, I feel the need to break away. To free myself. To turn my back on the things of the past. Break off the chains that bind me. However, as much as my heart yearns for these things, my strength has disappeared.

There is so much of myself that I want to be free from – break off and discard.

That constant, 24/7, unrelenting knot in my stomach that causes me pain, anxiety, restlessness, depression. It never goes away, and even if it does, for that fleeting moment it still haunts my mind. That mess of knots inside my stomach twists and turns, squeezes and churns, cramps and burns.

Sometimes the gnawing pain inside of me is overwhelming. It makes me want to lash out in anger, in fear, in frustration, in hopelessness. It terrifies me, haunts me – reminds me that it is still there, making every day a living hell.

It’s not just the pain in my stomach; that is just one symptom. There is the dizziness, where the world closes in around me. The burning in my lungs, as if I have run a marathon – each breath doubled. The sweaty palms, the irrational behaviour, the lies that spew from my mouth, the excuses, the terror, the fear, the anxiety, the questions, the doubts, the what ifs and the what abouts. How can one person raise enough courage to break away from that? How can you break away from something that is so completely ingrained in your being. It is you.

It isn’t as if this part of me can be snapped off like a dead branch on a tree. Discarding the old and allowing the new to grow.

My heart yearns to break away, to break free from the prison that I am in. Every day I wonder when that day will come…

Day 5 – Seeking Solace

2011-01-02T21:13:00.001+11:00

Solace isn’t a word I would normally use – for me, comfort sounds better. Solace means comfort or consolation in times of distress or sadness.

Where do I find solace? Where do I turn for solace?

Music – If I’m feeling down, have had a bad day, need a lift or just want to tune out, I turn on music. I have it as loud as it will go and dance around the house with my little girl. I love any type of music (except maybe country!) and find that songs speak to me and seem to know just what I need in certain situations

Food – Probably not the best thing to do, but when I am sad, upset, glum or stressed out, I sometimes eat. My food of choice – chocolate. It seems to fix everything!

Sunshine – I love going outside, lying on the grass, close my eyes and soak up the warmth and comfort of the sunshine. It makes me feel energised, relaxed and sometimes a little sleepy.

Cuddles – If I need a lift or comfort, a hug helps! The best hugs are from my little girl, my husband and my best friend Rach.

Faith – Sadly, at the moment I am going through a season of questioning, drought and shaping when it comes to my faith and therefore, it is not always the first place I seek solace. I want that to change in 2011, I just need to be willing, open and expectant

Two thousand and eleven

2011-01-01T19:30:00.001+11:00

So, 2010 has left us and 2011 awaits.

Last night while sitting under the stars with Abes, I felt sad. It was about 11:30pm, we were about to usher in the new year, yet I was grieving the loss of 2010. I kind of didn’t want to let go of it – so much had happened and I hadn’t really processed it all. I just wanted a bit more time to reflect, remember and ponder.

However, amongst that sadness, there was also hope and anticipation for the things to come. 2011 is going to be my year. It’s a time to put things behind me and start afresh.

I’m not big on new years resolutions, however I have thought about it a bit. Overall, my one resolution would be to be a better person than I was in 2010. There are a few things that I have thought about that would help me do that – except I can’t seem to put them into words. My heart knows what they are and that’s all I need.

I want change in 2011

I want peace in 2011

I want growth in 2011

I want to dream in 2011

I want joy in 2011

I want happiness in 2011

I want breakthrough in 2011

I want purpose in 2011

I want confidence in 2011

I want patience in 2011

I want understanding in 2011

I want discipline in 2011

I want freedom in 2011

Day 4–Dark

2010-12-30T11:39:00.001+11:00

Darkness brings silence. Sometimes it’s nice to just sit and listen in the darkness. It brings peace, yet it also brings fear. I used to be afraid of the dark when I was little. I didn’t think there were monsters in my closet or under my bed. I just thought bad things happened at night. I always used to get sick at night.

I love the dark because it brings out the stars. I like standing on the front lawn and gazing up into the sky.

The dark brings with it certain smells. In the winter, it is wood smoke. In summer, it brings the smell of rain and of freshness. The darkness closes the day, finishes everything.

The dark allows you to see the light. The darkness brings with it the hope of a new morn

Day 3 - Light

2010-12-26T22:41:00.001+11:00

I like the light first thing in the morning. The soft light that streams in through the curtains. I also like the oranges and pinks that bring the warm glow to the morning. I don’t know if I would like all of this if I wasn’t a morning person.

I like it that light comes in so many forms – lamps, bulbs, candles, torches and the sun and moon. Sometimes I use my mobile phone as a light – in this day and age – who hasn’t?

I like it that you can’t have light without darkness. The two need each other – yet they are opposites.

Light guides. It guides ships, cars, people. It lights paths, roads, rooms, empty spaces

If you always have light, you will never have darkness. Oh, the darkness may come – but you will always have the light to chase it away. Darkness cannot drive out darkness – only light can

Everything always seems better when there is light. Things are much clearer, calmer and I feel more in control. I always felt that things were much worse when it was night-time – then in the morning light, they didn’t seem so bad anymore

Light is not meant to be hidden. Let your light shine

Priceless

2010-12-26T11:49:00.001+11:00

I just wanted to share the video of Bella’s reaction to her Christmas present yesterday

2 - Love

2010-12-20T10:36:00.001+11:00

This may not be the “real” definition of love, or the definition that is written in the dictionary. It is my definition of love – and it comes from the heart; where love blooms.

Love is unlike anything else. You know it when you experience it and grieve when it is lost.

Love is beyond words, beyond phrases, beyond comprehension. Love just is.

Love is when you let your toddler decorate the Christmas tree and don’t mind that all the decorations are in one spot

Love is finding the one who you will give your heart to for the rest of your life

Love is sacrifice

Love is more than a feeling, more than an emotion. It is a state of being. It is an action. It is a verb

Love is looking into your baby’s eyes for the first time as they take their first breath in this world

Love is giving

Love is when you make cupcakes with your child and don’t fuss when the cupcakes aren’t perfect

Love is sitting up in the middle of the night when your child has a high fever – forgoing the precious sleep your crave

Love is where your heart is. There you will find your treasure

Love is thinking of others before yourself. It is compassion. It is selfless.

Love is something that took a while for me to grasp; I still don’t really know if I understand it. Sometimes I feel like love is all I need. If I had love and understood it then all would be right with the world. I seem to be good at loving others, but when it comes to loving myself – I fall.

Love conquers all

1 - Introduction

2010-12-18T21:40:00.001+11:00

Why were you given your particular name?”
Mum said she thought it was nice – so she named me “Naomi”. I don’t particularly like it, others think its great! Growing up, I never knew any Naomi’s, even now I don’t know that many! I’m kind of glad I wasn’t given a name like Melissa, Michelle, Jessica etc – they are too *harsh* sounding and boring!

How many brothers and sisters do you have?
I have two brothers, although one passed away at birth. His name was Nathan, he was born before me. I often wonder what it would be like to have an older brother – I think of him often. I also have a younger brother, Nick, who lives in Tassie with his girlfriend Sarah. He is 23, works in the payroll office of the Department of Health and Human Services. We are pretty close – despite the difference. He is smitten with Bella – we get to see him in a week!

What is your favourite thing to do?
Oh, depends on my mood! I love Facebook, yes I’ll admit it! I love doing craft with Bella, I love going shopping, I love reading, writing, studying, learning, drawing, painting, scrapbooking. I love the beach, sailing, picnics, watching TV. Actually, I really love going out for coffee with my hubby and daughter

What is your favourite food?
Hmmmm….. chocolate Others on the list include – chicken parma, mashed potato, pumpkin soup, raspberry syrup cake….. I really do have a sweet tooth!

What is your favourite book?
I have many – Cloudstreet, Redeeming Love, The Book Thief, House Rules, My Sisters Keeper, By The River

What is your favourite confectionary?
Whitakers Milk Chocolate – by far!! So much better than Cadburys! I also love toasting marshmallows on the stove

What is your favourite biscuit?
Oh, goodness! I have never really thought about this! I love a good Tim Tam Slam – only really works with tea though! I love Monte Carlos too – they are good dunked! I pretty much dunk every biscuit I eat – except for homemade ones – they don’t work as well! I’m more of a cake girl myself

What is your favourite sport?
To play – tennis or squash. To watch – it would have to be diving, gymnastics or swimming

What is your favourite kind of music?
Oh, I have a huge range of taste in music! I love Elton John, Joshua Kaddison, Hillsong, Planetshakers, Chris Tomlin, Pink, Jeremy Camp, Amy Grant, Colin Buchanan (he really does get stuck in your head – although he is on practically 24/7 here!)

What is your favorite song?
Chris Tomlin’s version of “Amazing Grace”. Every time I hear it, I cry – even now I am tearing up! The words, “My chains are gone, I’ve been set free, my Saviour God has ransomed me. And like a flood, His mercy reigns, unending love, amazing grace”, get me every time!

What did you want to be when you grow up?
I always wanted to be a mum or a teacher. It had to be something to do with kids! I ended up going to Uni for 4 years to become a teacher, however then got pregnant straight away and became a mum!

How many kids do you want?
Hmm, we still have mixed feelings on this! Right now, we are extremely happy and content with one Whether that will change in the future – not sure!

Where in the world would you like to visit?
So many places – yet pretty sure we will never get there! Would love to go to NZ, Finland, Scotland, London, Switzerland, Denmark, Rome, Canada, Holland

What is your favourite thing about yourself?
Ouch – tough question! I’ll try not to be negative. I like my boobs (haha – well I do!), my creativity, my laugh, my hair (sometimes!)

Do you like to sing?
Yes, very much so! My life would be bleak without music! I have been involved in a choir of some sorts since I was in Grade 3. I love to sing by myself, with others, anywhere really!

Do you like to play a musical instrument?
Yes, I like to play them – but it doesnt mean I am any good! I love to play the piano and am learning the violin at the moment! When I was at school, I always wanted to play the clarinet – however I have never even picked one up!

Have you ever seen a Broadway musical? Do you like theatre?
Can’t say that I have – but would love to! The only thing remotely “Broadway” I have been involved in was when we did “Anything Goes” by Cole Porter as our school production. I have very fond memories of this – I was a sailor and part of the ensemble. I can still perform some of the choreography from it – and I remember all the words to the songs. It was an amazing time in my life

What are three adjectives which describe you?
creative, encouraging, inquisitive

In five years, what kind of person will you be?
Wow – I’d hope to be a better person – a better wife, mother, friend, daughter, employee. I’d like to be free from my fears – walking the path of my dreams – doing things that I never thought I would. Bella will be 7 and at school, and depending on whether we have any other children, I would be working as a chaplain in a Primary school

What are your favourite subjects in school?
Definitely English – I received the academic excellence award every year for English. Also loved Food Tech, Sociology, Psychology and Health Studies.

What is the strangest food you ever ate?
Hmm – I am really not into trying new things – like seriously! I can’t even eat out at a restaurant that is Chinese, Indian, Thai etc. I like to stick to things that I know. I like strange combinations though! While living on campus at Uni, I basically lived on rice with kecap manis and sour cream. I love jam and cheese sandwiches. I love peanut butter and celery. I love cheese on almost anything. I also love sour cream and tomato sauce on almost anything. When I was pregnant, I was known to have mayo on ice-cream.

Are you working in your chosen profession?
Well, I am in a way – I am a stay at home mum and that is one of the best jobs in the world! I have actually applied for a job starting in Feb next year – as an after school care assistant. It will be 5 days a week, from 3pm-6pm at a local primary school. I have had an interview and the coordinator asked me to come and work for a week in January – so looks like I most likely have the job! Still not set in concrete though, but looks very promising. This wouldn’t be my chosen profession, but kind of in the vicinity.

What is your dream job?
Working with young girls (grades 5-8) in areas of self-esteem, body image, peer pressure, adolescence, risk taking, confidence, self image, dreams, fears, anxieties. Would love to start programs in schools for this age group – run by myself at first, but then it becomes so big that I need to employ people to run them. God has given me a dream (literally) and I will never let go of it

100 themes challenge

2010-12-18T19:51:00.001+11:00

I was reminded on Friday night (thanks Jess!) that I need to get my butt into gear and start this 100 challenge

So… here is the list and next will come entry 1 – Introduction. I’ll try not to make it boring!

1. Introduction
2. Love
3. Light
4. Dark
5. Seeking Solace
6. Break Away
7. Heaven
8. Innocence
9. Drive
10. Breathe Again
11. Memory
12. Insanity
13. Misfortune
14. Smile
15. Silence
16. Questioning
17. Blood
18. Rainbow
19. Grey
20. Fortitude
21. Vacation
22. Mother Nature
23. Cat
24. No Time
25. Trouble Lurking
26. Tears
27. Foreign
28. Sorrow
29. Happiness
30. Under the Rain
31. Flowers
32. Night
33. Expectations
34. Stars
35. Hold My Hand
36. Precious Treasure
37. Eyes
38. Abandoned
39. Dreams
40. Rated
41. Teamwork
42. Standing Still
43. Dying
44. Two Roads
45. Illusion
46. Family
47. Creation
48. Childhood
49. Stripes
50. Breaking the Rules
51. Sport
52. Deep in Thought
53. Keeping a Secret
54. Tower
55. Waiting
56. Danger Ahead
57. Sacrifice
58. Kick in the Head
59. No Way Out
60. Rejection
61. Fairy Tale
62. Magic
63. Do Not Disturb
64. Multitasking
65. Horror
66. Traps
67. Playing the Melody
68. Hero
69. Annoyance
70. 67%
71. Obsession
72. Mischief Managed
73. I Can't
74. Are You Challenging Me?
75. Mirror
76. Broken Pieces
77. Test
78. Drink
79. Starvation
80. Words
81. Pen and Paper
82. Can You Hear Me?
83. Heal
84. Out Cold
85. Spiral
86. Seeing Red
87. Food
88. Pain
89. Through the Fire
90. Triangle
91. Drowning
92. All That I Have
93. Give Up
94. Last Hope
95. Advertisement
96. In the Storm
97. Safety First
98. Puzzle
99. Solitude
100. Relaxation

Needing some inspiration…

2010-12-07T09:42:00.001+11:00

I want to blog more often – I know people read it and are interested in what I write! I don’t know if I want my blog to be “I did this today, I’m doing that tomorrow” etc…

I’m after some inspiration – and I think I may have found something. It’s a 100 word challenge that is supposed to be used for paintings/artwork – but I’m sure I can adapt it to blogging!

So, over the next 100 days (I will try for everyday, but it could end up being the next 100 entries!), I will blog based on these words/themes. Perhaps you will find out something about me you didn’t know before

The Mo is Molonger

2010-12-01T12:07:00.001+11:00

Yes, that’s right, Movember has come to an end and Abraham has finally shaved off his mo!

He really was starting to look like a criminal! An older lady said he looked 40 with his moustache! Haha, he wasn’t very happy!

So here is the before and after. A month of growing it and in 30 seconds it was gone!

The queen of….

2010-12-01T12:04:00.001+11:00

procrastinating!

Yup, that;s me. I swear I am doing everything in my power to do anything else but my essays!

At the end of every trimester, I say “Wow, I am so not going to leave things to the last minute again!”

Yet, here I am with these 7 essays due on Friday and I have only done 2 and bits and pieces of the other 5

Yeah…I really am good at this procrastinating thing

Three things about me

2010-11-23T09:31:00.001+11:00

Three names I go by:

1. Nay

2. Bub

3. Naomi

Three jobs I have had in my life:

1. Shelver at the library

2. Kitchen hand

3. After school care worker

Three places I have lived:

1. Geelong

2. Hobart

3. Launceston

Three TV shows that I watch:

1. Neighbours (yes I admit it!)

2. Masterchef

3. Nearly all the shows on ABC at once stage or another!

Three TV shows that I cant stand:

1. CSI, Bones etc – all the crime/police/detective shows

2. Waybaloo

3. Good News Week

Three places I have been: (okay, so I have never been overseas so this is boring!)

1. Queensland

2. South Australia

3. New South Wales

People that e-mail me regularly:

1. Facebook notifications

2. Freecycle

3. Ozsale

Three of my favourite foods:

1. Chocolate

2. Mashed potato

3. Jam donuts

Three things I would like to do:

1. Conquer my fears

2. Expand my family

3. Go back to work – doing what I love – when all my kids are at school

Things I am looking forward to:

1. Christmas

2. A new year and a fresh start

3. Finishing these assignments!

Three favourite colours:

1. Lime green

2. Pink

3. Blue

Things you would change about yourself:

1. My weight

2. My jealousy

3. My fears'

Favourite Songs/Bands:

1. Chris Tomlin’s version of Amazing Grace

2. Colin Buchanan (he always seems to get stuck in my head!)

3. Jimmy Needham

Three places you would love to visit:

1. Finland

2. The UK

3. NZ

Careers you would have liked to attempt:

1. Chaplain

2. Teacher

3. Midwife

Favourite drinks:

1. Iced coffee

2. Fruit cup cordial

3. Water

Favourite vacations:

1. Bambra

2. Marysville

3. Queensland

Foods you hate:

1. Olives

2. Capers

3. Dutch liquorice

Must be Movember

2010-11-02T09:01:00.001+11:00

So, Movember is back again at our house – not sure if I’m entirely happy about that!!

But it is something that Abraham is passionate about (the mo-growing and the awareness for mens health – especially prostate cancer and depression)

It’s a month where I cringe every morning when the “mo” appears to be more and more prominent! He is going for a different look this year – not sure what its called, but somehow his sideburns blend into his moustache and create . . . . um . . . . this . . . .

The bare necessities

2010-10-23T22:01:00.001+11:00

I have had this blog post saved to my drafts for a while now and every time I go to write another blog post, I see it there. Staring at me. Urging me to finish it off and publish it.

I kind of feel like it *needs* to be out there. But not for others, for me. I need to publish it for me.

These are my arms.

They are fat and flabby and wobble like a plate of jelly.

They are red and pimply. Sometimes they are a horrible shade of purple which people always seem to comment on.

“Are you cold? Your arms look ugly!”

No, I’m not cold, that’s just how my arms are. They are ugly, yes, but they are my arms.

These arms held my husband close for the first time

They felt the suns rays on the first warm day, letting me know that summer is coming.

They are raised in worship to my loving Saviour who died on the cross for my sins and who picked me up from the depths of despair and held me while I blossomed

These arms reached out to friends, family, strangers, letting them know I care

They helped bring our daughter into the world and held her for those first precious moments

These arms continue to hold her – when she is hurt, when she is joyful, when we are playing, when we are dancing and when we are snuggling.

These arms are incredible.

This is my tummy.

It is fat and flabby and unattractive.

It is covered in stretch marks from one side to the other and there is not a six pack in sight

It sticks out in rolls, each one a reminder of how ugly it is to be fat.

I may be fat and I may have stretchmarks, but it is my tummy.

It nurtured a baby for 9 months and gave it life. It grew and stretched so that my daughter could be healthy.

It contained kicks, wiggles, arms, elbows and other body parts which randomly jabbed me in the middle of the night

This tummy holds all the nutrients, good food and clean water which this country provides.

It reminds me how blessed I am to have these things – even if I do indulge a little too much sometimes

This tummy has held laughs, each escaping to fill a moment of joy

It is there for tickles, hugs, pokes or cuddles. It is sometimes used as a drum – Bella thinks it makes a nice sound

This tummy is incredible.

These are my legs.

They are hairy, white, thick and look like tree trunks.

I don’t have slender calves, or a prominent achilles tendon, and don’t even get me started on my thighs

They rub together and shudder with every step I take.

They have cellulite plastered over them as if my legs had a million dimples.

They may be unsightly and ugly, but they are my legs.

They have taken me to places that I never dreamed I would go. They have walked me down streets that changed my life.

These legs have run, have skipped, have hopped, have jumped. They have taken one step, then another. Just one foot in front of the other; sometimes that’s all that was needed.

They have taken my first steps and they will take my last

These legs have taken me everywhere I needed to go. They have run in fear, walked with peace, skipped with joy and danced with happiness.

My legs are incredible.

This is my face.

It has blemishes, a mole, hair growing where it shouldn’t, a crooked nose and a double chin.

It is unattractive and ugly. Most of the time it is hard to see the beauty in it. But this is my face.

It contains so much of me and can express so much of me.

This face can smile and light up the whole room. It can also cry and break someone’s heart.

It can speak words of encouragement, blessing and humour. But can also speak words of jealousy.

This face smiles at my daughter and kisses her for what seems like a million times a day.

It is part of what attracted my husband to me. That, and my hair. And smile.

This face has the power to speak, the power to smell, the power to see, the power to hear.

My face is incredible.

I am incredible.

No matter what.

Snapshot of this moment

2010-10-20T11:14:00.001+11:00

Instead of writing – I decided to show you what we are all up to right now

A moment in our lives

Be still…

2010-10-18T15:58:00.001+11:00

The birds on the tree outside my window are talking. I have no idea what they are saying, although it sounds like a strange kind of arguing. It’s as if they are having a dispute and each trying to talk over the top of each other. I guess it could be a call of longing; for their partner, their children, some food, some peace and quiet.

Or is it a happy sound? Just talking because they can and because they are happy. They are free. Free as themselves. Their chatter goes on, each bird sounding remarkably different.

Above my head there is a scratching sound in the roof. I’ve been listening to it for a few days now. It likes to scurry around up there while I am eating lunch and then again when I go to bed. It sounds too loud to be just a mouse, yet too quite to be a possum. What am I harbouring up there? Will it come down for a visit? For now, I shall just sit and listen to it going about its day.

In the distance is the sound of a car. It may be a bit strange, but I have always been one to wonder where people are going in their car. As a passenger in the car, I can observe the others on the road. Some pass by with children in the backseat, with their boot full of towels, boogie boards and the hope of a lovely day at the beach. Other cars pass which appear to be quite empty, only a man and his business suit hanging from the backseat window. Rushing too and from meetings. There are deadlines, planes to catch, phone calls to be made which cannot wait until they return to the office. I wonder if their lives are empty too.

I remember looking out the window of the car yesterday and seeing a cheerleading hamster. It’s amazing what the clouds can be if you look close enough. Be still and just look.

The sun is shining through the window, yet its warmth is overshadowed by the howling wind. Its icy breath cuts through any warmth the sun wishes to give. I can see the trees dancing to the rhythm of the wind; each branch swaying, each leaf fluttering.

The house is talking too. Each creak and groan a reminder of the wind outside. It’s as if the walls are talking. Telling me their story; who they have sheltered here. Maybe they could tell me what's hiding in my roof.

A cup of tea?

2010-10-17T13:10:00.001+11:00

Made some scones for afternoon tea (well, after lunch tea) and they were quite successful!

I love cooking, especially simple, classic recipes. I’m not really into fancy things, I like the good old favourites, the ones that nan taught me to cook.

Nothing like a scone, jam and cream with a cup of tea

Singing is….

2010-10-16T19:57:00.001+11:00

her favourite thing!

I was sitting here thinking about Bella (she is at nanny and poppy’s house until Tuesday) and was watching some of the videos I have of her.

She loves to sing! Its amazing watching her progress from babbling sounds, to recognising songs, to singing a few words, to now singing the song from start to finish. I am so proud of her – she is such a clever girl!

This one is my favourite at the moment

Miss B singing her favourite song

Early mornings

2010-10-15T05:55:00.001+11:00

I have been awake for nearly two hours already. I’ve been listening to the rain, which began very light but has now become quite heavy.

I’m pretty much a morning person. When I’m awake, I’m awake. It takes me about a minute to go from soundly sleeping to getting up.

I don’t like lying around in bed in the mornings, I’m more of a nanna nap during the day kind of girl

I want to create…

2010-10-14T13:53:00.001+11:00

Sometimes I just get this urge to be creative. It hits me and I just have to do something – whether it be drawing, painting, sketching, doodling – whatever!

So today, while Bella was in bed, I created this (using oil pastels). It’s not excellent, but its what I felt like creating.

“Lellow Flowers”

2010-10-12T10:58:00.001+11:00

That’s what we did yesterday! Played in the yellow flowers!

We were visiting a friend and it was such a lovely day that we decided to head down the road a bit in search for some yellow flowers – sour grass as I know it!

My beautiful friend Rach, took some photos of Bella and I frolicking in the flowers. Was such fun – the joy on my gorgeous girls face was priceless.

I love making memories

Squares and Triangles

2010-10-02T19:55:00.001+10:00

Have you ever felt like you were born to do something? That this thing you were made for would be easy, effortless and feel so right.

You waited your whole life, looking forward to this one moment in time…..and when it comes, you can’t handle it.

It wasn’t what you thought it was. It doesn’t feel right, you are unable to do what you were born to do…

It’s as if your dreams have been shattered – except it wasn’t circumstances or someone else that did it – it was you.

You feel like a failure. You were supposed to be born a square peg, which fits perfectly in a square hole, however you were born a triangle and don’t fit into that square hole you so desperately want to be in.

That’s me right now. The triangle peg who was supposed to be born a square.

Yes I’m being cryptic. I have to be. I cannot admit what I have failed in – it’s too revealing and frankly, upsetting.

Where did those 4 months go?

2010-10-01T17:10:00.001+10:00

I really didn’t think that ~~seven~~ four months had passed since writing in this blog!

Cant really say much has happened – well nothing huge anyway. Kind of failed (didn’t finish my subjects) for Bible College in Trimester 2, repeating them this Trimester. Bella turned 2 about a week ago – she is growing up way too fast! Abraham is still at the bank, and has his police entrance exam on October 9th. Hopefully he will be successful this time around. I actually have quite a bit to say on this matter – but that is for another blog post entirely

I wonder why I’m so bad at updating this blog. I guess I feel like my life isn’t enough for people to car about! Or, maybe I just can’t make it sound interesting enough for people to read. I do have a few things going on in my head that I would love to get out though…

Our life lately

2010-06-01T08:58:00.001+10:00

So, I am pretty much the slackest blogger ever! I keep thinking, “Oh, I need to update this!!”

So, here is a rundown of our life as of late – since the start of May :)

I turned 25 on the 23rd of May! It was a lovely day! Went to church in the morning, where Abraham stood up in the middle of the announcements and told the whole congregation that it was my birthday that day! Pretty sure I couldn't have gotten any more red!

That afternoon, we also had Anna (my sister in laws) Kitchen Tea. We played games, spoke blessings over her, cried, laughed, shouted and ate lots of yummy food :)

Then, of course, on the 28th, Anna and Hubert were married. It was a beautiful day! She will be living in Melbourne now, and I will definitely miss her!

We also had a family photo shoot in Torquay on the 22nd! My lovely cousin Tremayne took some absolutely beautiful photos. We had such a ball that day – really special family time and we have such fond memories captured in photos for us to look back on :)

In other news, I passed my 1st Trimester of Bible College!!!!! I am so happy! I wasn’t sure what to expect – but I now have confidence that I can do it! :)

Mothers Day

2010-05-10T10:45:00.001+10:00

How slack have I been at updating this! Whoops! I have been so busy with Bible College (which I am finding harder than I thought!). All my assignments are due on Friday – so need to polish them off and hand them in!

Had a lovely mothers day yesterday! I received a lovely new watch and also breakfast in bed made by Bella and Abraham!

This is the watch -

I love my beautiful girl and wonderful husband! I am so blessed!

Blah….

2010-04-22T12:51:00.001+10:00

I’m sick and wallowing!

That is all :)

Dream a little dream…

2010-04-20T21:24:00.001+10:00

Okay so I had this dream last night and just had to write it all down.

I was in Grade 12, I knew this because I had a Grade 12 jersey on.

I was with a group of friends when we stumbled across a little laneway we didn’t recognise.

We walked down it and found a school called “All Saints School”. I saw a guy standing against the railing, his name was Dan – he had a badge on. I’m pretty sure he was the school captain.

We were about to walk away and he said “Wait, Naomi, I have something I need to tell you.”

I said, “You don’t know who I am, why would you want to talk to me?”

He said, “I don’t know, I just have to”.

So I walked back over to him

He said, “I need you to go into that room over there and speak to the Grade 7 girls inside”

He told me they are bullies, always harassing each other, they name call, have low self esteem, hate themselves, are rude and don’t care.

He said, “No-one can get through to them but you can.”

I walked up to the door and the teacher answered and asked who I was.

I told her and she let me in

The classroom was filled with girls of all shapes and sizes. It was loud and crowded and smelled of sweat and perfume.

Girls were yelling at each other and bullying etc…

I tried to speak over the top of them. The teacher told me she never makes them quieten down when she is talking.

In the end, they did settle down.

I started talking to them about relationships, bullying, harassment, self esteem, depression, anxiety. It was all just pouring out of me like it was the most natural thing in the world.

I felt power when speaking.

I felt confident, I walked around the desks with confidence.

I spoke with authority and confidence.

The girls then all stood up and made a circle around me while I continued talking.

The circle wasn’t threatening, it was comforting and accepting.

In the end I said to them, “I want to leave you with this quote - Make your words soft and sweet, because some day you may have to eat them”.

I was trying to tell them that words have power for both yourself and others.

Then I woke up and felt such calm and steadfastness in my spirit…

That’s what I want to do in the future. I want to work with young girls and explore all these issues. Perhaps my dream of becoming a chaplain is the right thing….

Morning greetings

2010-04-15T08:40:00.001+10:00

This morning when Bella woke up she greeted me at the cot with….

“Piggle please mummy thank-you!”

It just made my morning :) I have such a grown up girl with lovely manners!

Celebrations

2010-04-06T14:47:00.001+10:00

Easter was such a lovely time of celebration with family and friends. Allowed me to reflect on new life and His gracious love and mercy.

I ate far too much chocolate and way too many hot cross buns! I need to get back to my normal diet now and get back on track!

We also celebrated Abrahams 30th birthday last night! We had a joint BBQ with our friend Josh who turned 27 a couple of days ago :) We had many friends and family around for a lovely evening! Josh and Rach bought the Wii and it still happens to be sitting on our TV cabinet! It’s been fun playing it with Abraham.

The lent it to us because we have gone on a television fast. We are starting off slowly and only doing it for a week, but that may change come Sunday! I have the TV on during the day just because! It is noise, and I watch it out of boredom, habit and also pleasure. I’m sure Bella would happily sit in front of it all day if I let her!

So, we started on Sunday afternoon and I haven't really missed it. I have been getting up to turn it on though and then realised I cant!

Bella has a cold at the moment, well the cough has gone, but the runny nose remains. Its funny seeing her trying to blow her nose! She ends up blowing through her mouth. Funny girl!

Abraham and I are heading up to Melbourne on Thursday morning so I can go to a group meeting with some other ACOM students. We meet 4 times a year.

Anyway, that's about it I guess. Oh, and I finally managed to book the car in to get fixed after my accident! It wont be until the 27th of April, but at least it gives us some time to save up the excess!

Oh and I just have to share a photo of my gorgeous girl from Abrahams party yesterday

Special visitors

2010-03-24T16:06:00.001+11:00

So, the past 5 days have been hectic, interesting, restful, boring, lonely and everything else!

Mum and dad flew down from QLD on Saturday afternoon and my brother also flew up from Tassie to visit us (well mainly Bella!)

They took her on Saturday night and she stayed at their apartment until Wednesday afternoon. I got to see her every day and spend time with her, mum and dad and my brother. But she slept there every night and had an absolute ball. She even slept in longer than she does at home! They must have tired her out!

They were on the go with her for the 5 days doing all sorts of stuff :) Bella learnt a new dance/song too! Poppy taught her the Hokey Pokey! She also acquired a new pair of slippers off mum (they are mums, but Bella wouldn't put them down!)

My brother flew out on Monday night and mum and dad have just left for the airport. I’m pretty sure they had the time of their lives!

I had a lot of time on my hands when mum and dad had Bella! I thought I was going to get so much done, but ended up feeling quite lost and lonely without Bella here! I did get some study done and the house never looked so tidy though!

So, life is now going to get back to normal. I’m looking forward to it, but I will miss mum and dad.

Starting from scratch

2010-03-18T08:50:00.001+11:00

No idea why I just remembered this, but the other week I had great joy in making my own butter!

We had some leftover cream from the pavlova we made and I decided to keep whipping it to turn it into butter. It was so much fun – I was like a little kid seeing something for the first time!

After the cream was whipped enough, I squeezed out the buttermilk (which Abraham promptly drank!) and then popped it in the fridge.

Abraham ate it on his toast the next morning :)

It was amazing how much joy I got from such a simple task. It’s the small things I guess :)

[one day at a time]

2010-03-17T14:26:00.001+11:00

Okay, so I have another blog. This one will remain the same, the new one is for a different purpose.

It’s time for change…

weight loss blog

Cherish every day

2010-03-16T16:22:00.001+11:00

I have had a bad day, make that a bad week…

But as I was sitting here wallowing in self pity, I realised that what I am facing isn’t nearly as huge as what others are facing. People close to me are facing things I never wish to face.

I look and what she is going through and I see the strength in her face, I see the hope in her eyes amidst the tears. She is facing this head on, with a positive attitude and here I am complaining about my bad week.

Today is her first day of treatment. I can’t imagine what she is feeling right now. All I know is it is tougher than what I am dealing with right now.

Cherish every day. Cherish every hour. Cherish every minute.

The birth of Bella Grace

2010-03-10T21:27:00.001+11:00

It's been 18 months and I haven't even attempted to write Bellas birth story! I am sketchy on the details (have never really been one for precise times!) and the 27 hour labour didn't help things!

Okay, bit of background. I was diagnosed with GD and had to attend the diabetes clinic every week until the birth. I also had to have twice weekly CTG monitoring to check on bubs . I wasn't on insulin, just monitored my diet and tested my blood sugar levels about 4 times a day. Because of that, we had a growth scan at 36 weeks to check how things were progressing and to see how big she was. It was at this scan that we found out the sex! We caved and asked the lady to tell us! Well, she told my DH and then the sonographer printed out the scan and had written girl across it and handed it to me . She told me the baby would be about 8 or 9 pounds and that everything was looking good!

Fast forward to 41 weeks and my appointment with the ob. He said I was about 2 and a half centimetres dilated and things were progressing, albeit slowly! He told me he wanted to book me in for an induction on Thursday or Friday (it was Tuesday). He rang up and then told me that they were going to be too busy on Thursday and Friday, so we had to do it right now! I definitely wasn't ready for that news!

So off I went up to the Day Assessment Unit (where I went for my CTG - they knew me well!) and they put the first lot of gels in at 11am. Well, almost immediately I starting having contractions, they weren't severe, but they were definitely there! She told us we had to hang around the hospital for 2 hours and to go have some lunch and a walk. Let me tell you, trying to eat a cheese and tomato sandwich in the cafeteria when you are in so much pain isn't easy!

I could breathe through the contractions and basically talk through them (and no matter what anyone said - I couldn't laugh through them!) In the end, DH and I went home at 1pm and tried the labour thing at home. No-one told me how hard it is to labour in the car!! Was so very painful!

We got home and I immediately jumped in the shower. It helped a little, but the contractions were coming closer together. I wasn't really coping at home so at 4pm my DH rang the hospital and said they were about 3-4 mins apart. They told us to come in, so we did.

Was admitted to the labour ward and hooked up the CTG machine. From about 6pm until 8am is a bit of a blur! All I remember is a really really nice midwife named Sandy who sat beside my bed for ages holding my hand and telling me stories. I also remember at about midnight this really lovely male midwife came in and told me I should probably have some pethidine if I wanted to get any rest so I could have my strength to labour tomorrow. I was about 3cm by that stage. The contractions were not letting up. I had pain everywhere and even broke the bed with my thrashing about at one stage! They were basically on top of each other, the midwives told me it was because I was induced.

He gave me the pethidine and an anti-nausea med and that was it. My DH was on a trundle bed beside me trying to sleep (well as best he could with me squeezing his hand every 5 mins!) I remember sitting up in the bed and my head kept on falling down and then I would jolt awake again with each contraction. It was as if I was drugged up to the eyeballs and I had no idea what was going on! I didn't even really want the pethidine in the first place, but just went along with it because I thought that was the "right" thing to do. So from 1am until the pethidine wore off was yucky and weird to say the least!

At 8:30am they came in and broke my waters - finally! It hurt like anything, but was a welcome relief! I was about 5cm at that stage. I then decided I wanted to try the gas (so much for my no drugs plan!) After I took the first breath of gas, I never put it down! It was lovely!

So....I had been labouring now for about 17 hours. Mind you, time really had no meaning to me! All I knew was that it was painful and never ending! At one stage the midwife took 2 hour to bring me a heat pack! Apparently all the rooms were full of women labouring with more waiting in the waiting room! Things started to progress a little quicker after they broke my waters. I remember at about 2pm I started to get very very intense contractions. They had changed from very painful to me turning into a mooing cow! I kept saying "Please can you make the labour stop now!" "I don't want to do this anymore!" Apparently I was in transition.

At 2:30pm I really just wanted to push! I had such an intense feeling of needing to push - it was overwhelming! I felt the pain near my bottom the most - I just needed to push! The midwife came and in and checked me, I was 9cm dilated and they said I could push very soon! I was in agony! The male midwife came in and checked me as well and said, "No! You cant push - don't push!" I said "I cant stop, I have to!"

He told me that she was posterior and that they had to put an epidural in to stop me from pushing. I said okay and as quick as I had said that the two doctors were there to put it in. It was so incredibly hard to sit still while they put it in. I was sitting on the edge of the bed and rubbing my thighs as hard as I could to get through the contractions. It was so intense!

So, the epidural went in fine and began to take effect. After a few more contractions I felt like a new woman! I could not feel a thing (except for some tightening). I managed to eat something for the first time in over 24 hours. However, the epidural made my contractions almost disappear so they put the drip in to get my contractions going again.

By about 4pm they finally decided that I could try and push! They said that I had to push like I was doing a poo, but I couldn't feel anything down there! I pushed with a few contractions and in the end they had to give me an episiotomy. They started cutting with a pair of scissors and then said "Oh, they are blunt, can I have another pair?" and the next pair they tried, they said it again! I felt like they were chopping up a cooked chicken the way they were hacking at me!

In the end, they had to vacuum Bella out and at 5:04pm on the 24th of September 2008 after 27 hours of labour, Bella Grace was born. It was a magical moment and one that I will never forget. The midwife guessed she weighed about 7 pounds however when they weighed her she weighed 8 pounds 13 ounces! She was also 53cm long.

I am so glad that I had an epidural when it came to them stitching me up! I had a trainee doctor that kept saying "I cant see what I am doing because of all this blood, someone come and help me!" That made me feel really good - not!

I had 15 stitches and in the end it took me nearly 9 months to heal and even be able to pee properly! They botched it up really bad! It was horrible!

Wow, so that was it! The birth story of my firstborn daughter!

A beautiful Sunday

2010-03-07T20:48:00.001+11:00

Today was lovely :)

Went to church this morning and felt so at home. Abraham and I had been thinking of finding a church closer to home (our church is currently 30 mins away), however we came to the conclusion that we could never leave :) It’s too much of a family; its home.

The message this morning was by Jo Brown, a missionary in Indonesia for the past 8 and a half years. She was actually Abrahams Grade 6 teacher (and remembered him!)

She spoke of her work with the Muslim people and her work in Bible Translation. She then challenged us – “Is your vision big enough?”

She spoke of running the race, of perseverance, of trusting God despite it all. She spoke of being open to what God could do in your life and the things that are holding you back.

Somehow, her slide show of images from Indonesia struck a chord in my heart. If any of you know me, I have studied Indonesian since Primary school right up to University level. I have let my speaking lapse a little, but its still there somewhere! I dreamt that I could work among these people as a translator. I dreamt that my whole family where there ministering to the Indonesian people. I dreamt that God was preparing me for something more. Why was I at Bible College? To become a chaplain? Or something beyond that?

It scared the pants off me! Again, if you know me, those dreams wouldn't have even entered my mind 3 months ago! Where have they come from? Where has this burning in my heart come from? Immediately when I saw the visions of myself working amongst the people in Indonesia, I dismissed the idea! I said, “No way God, you are not sending me there to do that! You know me, I wouldn't cope! I cant do it, I’m not strong enough!”

I felt like God was saying that the future is different. That I will be changed. That I will step out. That He will be there every step.

At the moment, these are just dreams. Just glimpses God has given me of what He might have in store for me. Chaplaincy and teaching are still on my heart – they are my passion. I know that I need to be open to Gods leading and allow Him to direct my paths. I need to trust Him fully, and boy that is a hard thing to do!

Phew, okay so apart from church today, we all ventured to the Home and Garden expo at the waterfront this afternoon. Was lovely to walk around in the sunshine and Bella even went into the petting zoo and had up close and personal encounters with goats, ducks, chickens, pigs, dogs, horses and sheep! She loved it!

So there you have it, a beautiful Sunday. And even more special is that Abraham has tomorrow off! Some special friends are coming over for a visit tomorrow too :)

One step, two step….

2010-03-05T12:05:00.001+11:00

The above words are from Bellas favourite song at the moment – Open shut them. But now, they mean more than that!

Yes – she walked! Finally! After 17 months, she has decided that it is okay to walk!

She is still very unsteady and reluctant to even walk, but when she does, she seems so proud of herself!

We were at the youth pastors house for dinner and they had an exercise ball. Bella was immediately fascinated and began rolling it around the room. In the end, she rolled it and then followed it – walking!!

We were so thrilled! She had taken more than one step and didn't sit down! She just kept going, right across the room!

So today, I went and bought an exercise ball because she wont walk without it! We tried this morning, but she wouldn't have a bar of it! Maybe with a little practise with the exercise ball, she will become more confident to go out and walk everywhere!

A resident or a visitor?

2010-03-01T09:42:00.001+11:00

Okay, so I heard something interesting in church this morning.

The pastor was talking about whether Jesus was a resident or visitor in our life.

It got me thinking about my life. Do I cry out and pray to God only when I need him and things aren't going right? Do I bring out my lamp, rub it and expect the genie "Jesus" to pop out and grant all my wishes/prayers?

Honestly, my answer is yes. It never used to be that way, but lately, I find myself starting my prayers with "Lord, I'm sorry I only come to you when I need help but...."

So is God a visitor, or a resident in your life? I know I want Him to be a resident, a permanent dweller, but at the moment, I feel as if he is just a regular visitor.

Live in the moment

2010-02-26T11:31:00.001+11:00

Right now, I am thankful for this minute….

I need to live in the moment, otherwise things just heap on top of me. I feel good right now and that is a good thing!

I’m thankful for right now :)

One step forward, 1000 steps back…

2010-02-25T15:57:00.001+11:00

You know how you feel like you are beginning to get somewhere? Like you are making progress towards a better you, a better life, a better future. You finally feel close to God and feel like you can trust Him? You have finally moved forward and beaten some things that were holding you back?

You know how good it feels? Then it all comes crashing down around you and that one step forward doesn't seem to matter anymore.

I feel like I had this “mountain top” experience and now Satan is getting his claws in and reeking havoc on me! He is having a field day and the sad thing is, I am probably letting him.

I feel like I am worse off than before. That any hope I had that things could be different has disappeared.

I know that tomorrow is a new day, but right now I feel like it doesn't even matter. Argh, I hate it that I talk this way! I need to be positive, I know that. Its hard seeing glimpses of hope and wellness after so long struggling day after day. You kind of let yourself up for a fall.

Maybe I knew all along it was coming and I didn't even put things in place to combat it.

Okay, so I may have had a setback, but I cant let it beat me. I have to have hope, otherwise, what else do I have?

I am wallowing right now, yes I know. I just needed to get it all out and start fresh again tomorrow. I have to, otherwise I will be stuck in the same rut I have always been.

Perhaps I thought it was going to be easy. I just need to look at the ash, the leaf and the rock and know that God spoke to me. I need to trust His ways and His plans. I can only control so much. He has spoken something over my life and I need to believe it and own it.

Lets see if together, we can do it

Ash, leaf, rock. New beginnings. So thankful…

2010-02-23T19:37:00.001+11:00

I wanted to come in and share about the time I had at the ACOM retreat over the past 2 days. I cant say it was life-changing, but God certainly got my attention.

I have felt very distant from God. I haven't really prayed for a long time and often wonder if it is all really worth it. I was in a stagnant place and staying there was easy.

Abraham and I went for a walk this morning up to a ridge on the property we were staying on. The bushfires came within 50m of the cabins, so there were a lot of black, burned out trees and shrubs. When we got to the top of the ridge, there was still black as far as the eye could see.

I could hear God telling me that restoration was coming to me. That wellness and restoration were coming. He said that he was showing me the burned out trees and how he had burned me down to almost nothing and was slowly bringing new life, growth and restoration to me. He was showing me glimpses of that restoration in the green growing out of the black trees.

We were walking back down and felt God telling me to find some ash and to take it home. Abraham found some on the ground and handed it to me, but it didn't feel right. I had to go and take some ash off a tree myself. So I did. God wanted me to remember the burning down and the dark places I have been.

A little further back down, God then told me to go and pick a leaf growing from a black tree. So I did. God wanted me to remember that he is bringing restoration and wellness. He is bringing new life and new beginnings.

We had nearly reached the bottom, and God then told me to pick up a rock from the path. He wanted me to remember the path he had bought me on as well as to remember that He is always my rock.

I began doubting whether it really was God, or just myself talking in my head. I couldn't believe that God could speak so clearly to me. I was finding it hard to believe that God would talk to me in that way. But you know what, I cant deny it. It couldn't have been anything but God. He knew how to get my attention, I just had to listen.

We had gotten down to the bottom of the track and I smelled the leaf I had picked. It was sweet and smelled so fresh. God reminded me of the verse in 2 Corinthians about the aroma of Christ. He let me know that he was restoring my aroma and I would soon be able to live out the aroma of Christ.

So yeah, God has certainly been working in my heart the last 2 days at the retreat.

Abraham had to come with me because there was no way I would have been able to travel up there and stay the 2 days by myself.

I made it through the 2 days with minimal panic/sickness.

I also had another breakthrough while there. As I said before, I hadn't really prayed for a long time. I could pray in silent, in my head, but never out loud. I felt like I wasn't as eloquent as other people when I prayed. I felt like my prayers didn't matter or that God wasn't going to even answer them anyway. On the 1st day, I prayed out loud for the first time in about a year. It felt so freeing. I then went on to pray numerous times over the retreat.

So yeah, this is where I am at right now. I am not cured or healed of my panic/OCD issues. However I now know God is walking every step beside me in this journey.

Sharing the love…err…sickness!

2010-02-15T19:11:00.001+11:00

Thanks Bella :) I now have Bellas horrible cold/cough lurgy!

That’s the thing – once you have kids, it is inevitable that you will get what they have! You share kisses, cuddles, food, spoons, everything!

Oh well, I just need to suck it up! My little one coped well, so I should cope better!

And honestly – I am the worst at taking medicine! I am fine with tablets, but give me liquid stuff and it takes me 10 minutes to drink 10mls – with 20 gags thrown in!

Theology, a map and the Atlantic

2010-02-14T14:01:00.001+11:00

In my readings for this week, I came across this quote from C.S Lewis. I cant seem to get it out of my head! It has made a huge impact on me and spoke to my heart :)

“Mere Christianity” - "Making and Begetting." (C.S. Lewis)

"I remember once when I had been giving a talk to the RAF, an old hard-bitten officer got up and said, 'I've no use for all that stuff! But, mind you, I'm a religious man too. I know there's a God, I've felt him: out alone in the desert at night: the tremendous mystery. And that's just why I don't believe all your neat little dogmas and formulas about Him. To anyone who's met the real thing, they all seem so petty and pedantic and unreal! '

"Now in a sense, I quite agreed with that man. I think he had
probably had a real experience of God in the desert. And when he turned from that experience to the Christian creeds, I think he really was turning from something real to something less real. In the same way, if a man has once looked at the Atlantic from the beach, and then goes and looks at a map of the Atlantic, he also will be turning from something real to something less real... But here comes the point. The map is admittedly only coloured paper, but there are two things you have to remember about it. In the first place, it is based on what hundreds and thousands of people have found out by sailing the real Atlantic. In that way, it has behind it masses of experience just as real as the one you could have from the beach; only while yours would be a single isolated glimpse, the map fits all those different experiences together. In the second place, if you want to go anywhere, the map is absolutely necessary. As long as you are content with walks along the beach, your own glimpses are far more fun that looking at a map. But the map is going to be of far more use than walks on the beach if you want to get to America.

"Now Theology is like a map. Merely learning and thinking about Christian doctrines, if you stop there, is less real and less exciting than the sort of thing my friend got in the desert. Doctrines are not God: they are only a kind of map. But that map is based on hundreds of people who really were in touch with God - experiences compared with which any thrills or pious feelings you and I are likely to get on our own are very elementary and very confused. And secondly, if you want to get any further, you must use the map. ...In fact, that is just why a vague religion - all about feeling God in nature, and so on - is so attractive. It is all thrills and no work: like watching the waves from the beach. But you will not get to Newfoundland by studying the Atlantic that way, and you will not get eternal life by simply feeling the presence of God in flowers or music. Neither will you get anywhere by looking at maps without going to sea, nor will you be very safe if you go to sea without a map.

An update of sorts

2010-02-12T13:39:00.001+11:00

Well, as you can see, I am not a very good blogger! I keep thinking, “Oh yes, I really should blog about this!” but then never do!

Naomi
I have started Bible College and am finding the transition back into study harder than I thought! I am one to get really super organised, but take forever to actually get into the meat of things!

It’s also hard to find a chunk of time that I can just sit down and devote to study. Yes, Bella has a day sleep (which she should be doing right now, except I can hear her crying, wanting to play instead). But when Bella is sleeping, I will wash the dishes, do the washing, read a book, catch up on emails, tidy the toys, play with the dog – anything but study! Granted, its only been 2 weeks since I started, I just need to get into the swing of things. I am off to the library tomorrow while Abes looks after Bella.

I am also still working 2 days a week for EveryLabel.com.au. Abes dad runs the business with Anna (his daughter) and myself. It keeps my mind active and allows me to get paid :)

I am also doing better on the anxiety/OCD front. I have been seeing a GP and also a counsellor and have made some progress. It is so hard for me to admit that I am doing okay! I freak out because I am not freaking out! What is with that!? I am about 40% of the way there, which is better than the 0% I was at about a month ago.

Abraham
He is such a patient man! I love him to bits! He is enjoying work, and even got to work down in Torquay yesterday! Nothing better than a walk on the beach during your lunch break and after work.

He is in the process of doing about 10 jobs around the house! We are starting our veggie garden, he built a compost bin, knocking down the dodgy veranda thing out the front, paving out the front, finishing the gate, getting rid of the rubbish pile so we can build a play area and the list goes on! I love having such a handy husband :)

Bella
She is currently in her cot crying (well, whinging), to be taken out and played with! She is not very well today, and needs her sleep. She was up 5-6 times last night just miserable. She got into our bed this morning with a fever, which has since gone. I love our thermometer! It takes 8 seconds or less and has a digital display that flashes the temp and then green (normal) yellow (mild) and red (high). She has been coughing a bit, and its starting to sound chesty. Her nose is running too :( Poor poppet!)

She took her first step a week ago, and it seems as if it was a fluke! She has certainly made no effort to do it again! Oh well, all in her own time I guess! I am the impatient one!

Her pead appointment went well also! Her hip x-ray and ultrasound were clear and the pead doesn't want to see her again :) She is now 16 months old and weighs 12kg, is 86cm long and can say 52 words :)

Okay, so that's about it from us! Oh….Abes and I will be going to a retreat for Bible College on the 22nd and 23rd of Feb :) Bella will be staying with Oma and Opa. We are so looking forward to it!

Trying something different

2010-02-05T22:09:00.001+11:00

I have recently discovered Windows Live Writer, so am trying it out! I hate trying to format my posts in blogger, so was looking for something else to use.

We will see how it works for me! Then I may just have to do a massive update post! Lots of things happening :)

Until next time……….

New look

2010-01-12T09:04:00.002+11:00

I've been messing around with the layout and style, what do you think?

Pink playdough and life

2010-01-05T11:38:00.001+11:00

This morning, Bella and I made playdough! It was the easiest recipe :)

2 cups of plain flour

1 cup of cold water

1 cup of salt

1 tablespoon of oil
food colouring

No cooking required!

Of course we made it pink :) Bella really had no idea what to do with it at first. She then proceeded to eat it, which didnt go down to well. She got the hang of it after a while :)

It's currently in the fridge so we can play again this afternoon.

You know, sometimes I feel like that playdough - being pushed and pulled around, bashed up and then rolled out again. We are heading off to another doctor this afternoon to see if we can get some answers regarding my anxiety, phobias and OCD. She specialises in this area, so hopefully she wont just hand me a pill and shove me out the door. I know the medication I am on isnt working well, and that probably needs to change. I am hopeful, yet still think that nothing is going to change. I have a pretty defeatist attitude and know I need to be more positive.

We'll see how we go this afternoon. Abraham took the car to work and will come back and pick me up to go to the doctor. If it was left up to me to get there by myself I would never go.

Two thousand and ten

2010-01-02T12:09:00.000+11:00

So, Christmas came and went! We had a lovely time at my auntys house with my side of the family. Bella had a great time playing on the tramp with the boys!

We bought Bella a new bike for Christmas. It is a convertible one which can be used from 10 months to 3-4 years. She loves us pushing her around in it! Mum and Dad bought her 2 dresses, a doll, 2 sippy cups and a cot sheet set. Nick bought her a book with a keyboard attached - she loves it!

Mum and dad arrived from Queensland on Christmas Eve! They havent seen Bella since September so were eager to arrive here! Oh, and I got the biggest surprise on Christmas morning!! Everyone knew about it except for me! Dad told us that he had to go and visit his side of the family in East Balliang (which wasnt unusual, because Grandma was only down for Christmas Day) He said he would be back in time for us to head to my auntys house. I didnt think anything of it!

Dad arrived home and we were all sitting outside on our front steps. Dad yelled out "Oh, I picked up a hitch hiker on the way home!" and then out of the car jumps this guy! I really thought dad had picked up someone from the side of the road! I looked again and realised it was my brother!! I hadnt seen him for 15 months!! It was such a special surprise :o)

So Mum, Dad and Nick were all here until the 30th! It was a sad day when they had to leave again! Nick hadnt seen Bella since she was a week old!

Then came New Years Eve, which saw us heading to Abrahams parents place to hang out with them and eat oliebollen! Bella crashed at 8:30, and I only just made it to midnight!

Who knows what is in store for 2010. I'm scared, excited, hopeful yet pessimistic about what it holds. I want so many things, but most of all I want to be well again. It's not something that is just going to happen, I know I need to work on it. It's going to be damn hard.

Three more days!

2009-12-21T13:44:00.001+11:00

......and I get to see my mum and dad again!

They are flying in from QLD on Thursday to spend Christmas with us. The last time we saw them was in September, so cant wait!

We'll be heading off to my aunty and uncles house for lunch - so there will be us, mum and dad, nan, my aunty, uncle and their 3 kids :) Quite excited!

I love Christmas!

Merry Christmas to all my readers (haha - pretty sure I dont have any though, come and tell me if you read my blog!)

Let down...

2009-12-17T10:53:00.000+11:00

Do you ever wonder if things will change? Do you ever want to be someone else? Have you ever hated yourself?

Argh, I did it again. I'm really good at doing it and I wish I wasn't.

A friend was supposed to come and visit Bella and I today. She was driving about an hour to get here, so it wasnt like she was just around the corner. I had been freaking out about it for hours and promised myself that I wouldnt ring up and cancel.

But then I did. I told her that I didnt think that I could do it today. What a freak I am. I cant leave the house much and then I cant even have people around here. What an idiot.

She said she had already left, so I just assumed I had no choice and that she was coming anyway. I messaged her and said that I was still panicking, but she should just come anyway. She then told me to forget it and that she had already turned around to go home.

I told her I was sorry. I didnt know what else to say. What a loser I am. What an idiot. What a waste of space. What a screw up. I cant tell you how many times a week I cancel things, or make up excuses.

She probably hates me now. I dont blame her. I deserve it.

Tiling, new couches and Christmas trees

2009-12-16T14:44:00.007+11:00

We have recently tiled our kitchen! We put a second hand FREE kitchen in a couple of months ago. Abrahams manager from work gave it to us, was such a blessing! We just need to cap it.

(right=before, left=after)

We also put up our Christmas tree the other day! It's the 1st time we have put one up as a family, last year we didn't bother with one because Bella was so little. We also got some new couches delivered on Monday. Our other ones kept breaking and we had only had them a couple of months! So, we went to the store and picked out a brand new set. We now have a 3 seater (which has 2 recliners in-built) and 2 single recliners. They are in a chocolate brown suede fabric. It's actaully nice to have recliners - we have never had them before but now I dont think we can go back!

Sweet words

2009-12-08T10:49:00.000+11:00

I love hearing my daughter say "Mum"

I love hearing her say "nose" and gently poking my nose

I love hearing her give kisses

I love hearing her say "Bye" and waving madly

I love hearing my daughter say "Hello puss" when she sees Oscar in the morning

I love hearing her read her books while sitting on the floor with her feet crossed

I love hearing her say "narna" when she sees a banana

I love hearing her say "baby" whenever she sees a picture of herself or another child

I love hearing her say "Amen" after we finish praying, singing, or saying grace

I love hearing her say "Hi" to people walking by

I love hearing her say "What's that?" when she sees something new

I love hearing her say "Ta" when she has something to give to me

I love hearing her say "Yucky" when she has something gross in her hands she shouldn't

I love hearing her voice

Back to testing again :(

2009-12-06T17:57:00.000+11:00

So, I'm back to testing my blood sugar levels again :(

I have a history of diabetes in my family. My nan, my aunty and my mum. I also had Gestational Diabetes while pregnant, which was controlled by diet alone (just!)

The doctor told me I have more than a 50% chance of developing diabetes (after having GD). To be honest, I've always struggled with my blood sugar levels. When I was younger, if I didnt eat regularly, I would find myself in the middle of the shopping center shaking, sweating, dizzy, nauseous, heart racing and in need of a sugar hit.

I have been noticing (and ignoring) the signs and symptoms of diabetes for a while. The doctor thinks that there is something going on here and so I am now testing my blood sugar levels. I only have to do it when I feel yuck, or feel as though my levels are a bit low. I'll chart what my levels do after I eat, and see what happens.

There could also be a link here with my panic attacks. My hypoglycemic episodes produce nearly the same symptoms as my panic attacks. Who knows, they could be related, they might not. This testing may shed some light on this :)

So, back to pricking my finger and drawing blood. Ew, I hate needles.

Locked out for the 2nd time!

2009-12-03T16:38:00.000+11:00

Okay, so today saw me being locked out of the house, with Bella happily playing inside!

I was taking the washing in when a massive gust of wind blew the back door shut! We dont have door handles on the outside of any of our doors, so I was well and truly locked out!

I went round to the loungeroom window to check on Bella and the dog, and everything was okay there! I saw that the window was open a little, so I tried to sqeeze through. No such luck.

Then tried to break the chain on the window to get it loose. Nope. Managed to cut open my finger in the process.

Went to the shed (which is NEVER locked!) and found that it was indeed locked.

Then decided to go to the next door neighbour and grab a screwdriver to undo the window winder thing and climb inside.

It worked. I had to take my skirt off (sorry for the graphic image!) to get inside because there was no way I was getting in with a skirt on!

So yes. Everything is fine! We are fine, the window is fine. My finger is not, but thats okay!

And yes, as the title suggests, this is the 2nd time this has happened!

Subjects chosen :o)

2009-12-03T14:22:00.000+11:00

Had a meeting with ACOM this morning and have chosen my subjects for next year!

Trimester 1
Personal Formation 1
Intro to Theology

Trimester 2
The Pauline Literature
New Testament Introduction

Trimester 3
The Spirit in the Church and World
Greek 1

Depression: un-Christian?

2009-12-02T19:37:00.000+11:00

I was listening to the radio tonight (Focus on the Family) and there was a lady on there talking about how she took anti-depressants for her post-natal depression.

They then went on to talk about how in society some "diseases" are okay for Christians to have and some are not. Some Christians see cancer or an infection as alright to have, but depression and mental illness as not. They think that as a Christian you should be happy all the time and not let things get you down. And heaven forbid you take anti-depressants! They somehow see taking an antibiotic for an infection fine, but an anti-depressant for a mental illness a sin!

As a person with anxiety/OCD and a history of depression, this struck a chord with me. When I first started taking anti-depressants I didnt want my church friends to know. I felt like I would be judged and labelled as a mental case. It seems taboo in some Christian circles to talk about mental illness. Maybe it will reveal that we arent perfect!

A visit from Oma and rice pudding

2009-12-02T14:26:00.001+11:00

Was lovely to have Oma (Abrahams mum) around for morning tea today. She has been in W.A. for her dads 80th birthday and we have missed her heaps! Bella loved crawling and standing all over her like she was a human climbing frame! I've also taught her about tickling her tummy, except now she pulls up everyones top (including Omas) to see their flesh and proceeds to say "tickle, tickle, tickle"

We ventured out to the library just before lunch, but came back empty handed. Bella has been down for a sleep since 1pm, so I decided to make rice pudding. I have had cravings for it since monday, so I finally made it! It wasnt as good as nans, but still tasted okay!

Tomorrow I'm meeting with the state director for ACOM just to have a catch up and talk about my application for next year. I wish it was Feburary already so I could start studying! I bet when March comes, I wont be saying that!

I should probably tidy up the house a bit before small group tonight. We are watching a series of lectures by Kent Hovind. We are really enjoying them and the discussion that follows :) There is only 4 of us in our small group (Abraham and I and another married couple). So off I go before Bella wakes up :)

Our little family

2009-12-01T13:32:00.003+11:00

And then there were three...... (or five if you count the pets!)

We are the Schultinks :0)

I'm Naomi, my husband is Abraham and our 14 month old daughter is Bella Grace. We also have a cat named Oscar and a puppy named Millie.

We bought our first house together this year and have been doing little bits here and there to fix it up. Abraham has just finished paving out the back - it looks great!

I am a stay-at-home mum, but I also work from home 2 days a week for Abrahams parents company blanklabels.com.au. I send orders off, do data entry and research what products would suit the customer best.

Next year, I will be studying a Bachelor of Theology through ACOM (Australian College of Ministries). In the future I want to combine my degree in teaching along with my bachelor of theology to become a chaplain in primary schools.

Abraham works for the Commonwealth Bank and enjoys the challenges it poses each day. He is slowly working his way up in the branch.

Bella is growing up way too fast! She has recently decided she can walk around the house with her wagon (the same wagon I used to play with when I was little!) It has taken her a while, but she is getting there! She is now bottle-free and will just drink her milk out of a sippy cup now. She is currently sitting on the floor watching Franklin and eating an apple.

I always thought that blogging needed to be about deep and meaningful stuff, full of in depth things about the world and current affairs etc, but I guess blogging could be just about anything! There may be deep matters of the heart discussed here, but there will also be the mundane day-to-day things that happen in our lives. They matter too :0)

Come back and share with us in our journey as a the Schultink family!