Saturday, October 23, 2010

The bare necessities

I have had this blog post saved to my drafts for a while now and every time I go to write another blog post, I see it there. Staring at me. Urging me to finish it off and publish it.

I kind of feel like it *needs* to be out there. But not for others, for me. I need to publish it for me.

 

 

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These are my arms.

They are fat and flabby and wobble like a plate of jelly.

They are red and pimply. Sometimes they are a horrible shade of purple which people always seem to comment on.

“Are you cold? Your arms look ugly!”

No, I’m not cold, that’s just how my arms are. They are ugly, yes, but they are my arms.

These arms held my husband close for the first time

They felt the suns rays on the first warm day, letting me know that summer is coming.

They are raised in worship to my loving Saviour who died on the cross for my sins and who picked me up from the depths of despair and held me while I blossomed

These arms reached out to friends, family, strangers, letting them know I care

They helped bring our daughter into the world and held her for those first precious moments

These arms continue to hold her – when she is hurt, when she is joyful, when we are playing, when we are dancing and when we are snuggling.

These arms are incredible.

 

 

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This is my tummy.

It is fat and flabby and unattractive.

It is covered in stretch marks from one side to the other and there is not a six pack in sight

It sticks out in rolls, each one a reminder of how ugly it is to be fat.

I may be fat and I may have stretchmarks, but it is my tummy.

It nurtured a baby for 9 months and gave it life. It grew and stretched so that my daughter could be healthy.

It contained kicks, wiggles, arms, elbows and other body parts which randomly jabbed me in the middle of the night

This tummy holds all the nutrients, good food and clean water which this country provides.

It reminds me how blessed I am to have these things – even if I do indulge a little too much sometimes

This tummy has held laughs, each escaping to fill a moment of joy

It is there for tickles, hugs, pokes or cuddles. It is sometimes used as a drum – Bella thinks it makes a nice sound

This tummy is incredible.

 

 

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These are my legs.

They are hairy, white, thick and look like tree trunks.

I don’t have slender calves, or a prominent achilles tendon, and don’t even get me started on my thighs

They rub together and shudder with every step I take.

They have cellulite plastered over them as if my legs had a million dimples.

They may be unsightly and ugly, but they are my legs.

They have taken me to places that I never dreamed I would go. They have walked me down streets that changed my life.

These legs have run, have skipped, have hopped, have jumped. They have taken one step, then another. Just one foot in front of the other; sometimes that’s all that was needed.

They have taken my first steps and they will take my last

These legs have taken me everywhere I needed to go. They have run in fear, walked with peace, skipped with joy and danced with happiness.

My legs are incredible.

 

 

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This is my face.

It has blemishes, a mole, hair growing where it shouldn’t, a crooked nose and a double chin.

It is unattractive and ugly. Most of the time it is hard to see the beauty in it. But this is my face.

It contains so much of me and can express so much of me.

This face can smile and light up the whole room. It can also cry and break someone’s heart.

It can speak words of encouragement, blessing and humour. But can also speak words of jealousy.

This face smiles at my daughter and kisses her for what seems like a million times a day.

It is part of what attracted my husband to me. That, and my hair. And smile.

This face has the power to speak, the power to smell, the power to see, the power to hear.

My face is incredible.

 

I am incredible.

No matter what.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Snapshot of this moment

Instead of writing – I decided to show you what we are all up to right now Smile

 

A moment in our lives

Monday, October 18, 2010

Be still…

The birds on the tree outside my window are talking. I have no idea what they are saying, although it sounds like a strange kind of arguing. It’s as if they are having a dispute and each trying to talk over the top of each other. I guess it could be a call of longing; for their partner, their children, some food, some peace and quiet.

Or is it a happy sound? Just talking because they can and because they are happy. They are free. Free as themselves. Their chatter goes on, each bird sounding remarkably different.

Above my head there is a scratching sound in the roof. I’ve been listening to it for a few days now. It likes to scurry around up there while I am eating lunch and then again when I go to bed. It sounds too loud to be just a mouse, yet too quite to be a possum. What am I harbouring up there? Will it come down for a visit? For now, I shall just sit and listen to it going about its day.

In the distance is the sound of a car. It may be a bit strange, but I have always been one to wonder where people are going in their car. As a passenger in the car, I can observe the others on the road. Some pass by with children in the backseat, with their boot full of towels, boogie boards and the hope of a lovely day at the beach. Other cars pass which appear to be quite empty, only a man and his business suit hanging from the backseat window. Rushing too and from meetings. There are deadlines, planes to catch, phone calls to be made which cannot wait until they return to the office. I wonder if their lives are empty too.

I remember looking out the window of the car yesterday and seeing a cheerleading hamster. It’s amazing what the clouds can be if you look close enough. Be still and just look.

The sun is shining through the window, yet its warmth is overshadowed by the howling wind. Its icy breath cuts through any warmth the sun wishes to give. I can see the trees dancing to the rhythm of the wind; each branch swaying, each leaf fluttering.

The house is talking too. Each creak and groan a reminder of the wind outside. It’s as if the walls are talking. Telling me their story; who they have sheltered here. Maybe they could tell me what's hiding in my roof.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

A cup of tea?

Made some scones for afternoon tea (well, after lunch tea) and they were quite successful!

I love cooking, especially simple, classic recipes. I’m not really into fancy things, I like the good old favourites, the ones that nan taught me to cook.

Nothing like a scone, jam and cream with a cup of tea

 

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Saturday, October 16, 2010

Singing is….

her favourite thing!

I was sitting here thinking about Bella (she is at nanny and poppy’s house until Tuesday) and was watching some of the videos I have of her.

She loves to sing! Its amazing watching her progress from babbling sounds, to recognising songs, to singing a few words, to now singing the song from start to finish. I am so proud of her – she is such a clever girl!

This one is my favourite at the moment Star

 

Miss B singing her favourite song

Friday, October 15, 2010

Early mornings

I have been awake for nearly two hours already. I’ve been listening to the rain, which began very light but has now become quite heavy.

I’m pretty much a morning person. When I’m awake, I’m awake. It takes me about a minute to go from soundly sleeping to getting up.

I don’t like lying around in bed in the mornings, I’m more of a nanna nap during the day kind of girl Smile

Thursday, October 14, 2010

I want to create…

Sometimes I just get this urge to be creative. It hits me and I just have to do something – whether it be drawing, painting, sketching, doodling – whatever!

So today, while Bella was in bed, I created this (using oil pastels). It’s not excellent, but its what I felt like creating.

 

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Tuesday, October 12, 2010

“Lellow Flowers”

That’s what we did yesterday! Played in the yellow flowers!

We were visiting a friend and it was such a lovely day that we decided to head down the road a bit in search for some yellow flowers – sour grass as I know it!

My beautiful friend Rach, took some photos of Bella and I frolicking in the flowers. Was such fun – the joy on my gorgeous girls face was priceless.

I love making memories Smile

 

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Saturday, October 2, 2010

Squares and Triangles

Have you ever felt like you were born to do something? That this thing you were made for would be easy, effortless and feel so right.

You waited your whole life, looking forward to this one moment in time…..and when it comes, you can’t handle it.

It wasn’t what you thought it was. It doesn’t feel right, you are unable to do what you were born to do…

It’s as if your dreams have been shattered – except it wasn’t circumstances or someone else that did it – it was you.

You feel like a failure. You were supposed to be born a square peg, which fits perfectly in a square hole, however you were born a triangle and don’t fit into that square hole you so desperately want to be in.

That’s me right now. The triangle peg who was supposed to be born a square.

Yes I’m being cryptic. I have to be. I cannot admit what I have failed in – it’s too revealing and frankly, upsetting.

Friday, October 1, 2010

Where did those 4 months go?

I really didn’t think that seven four months had passed since writing in this blog!

Cant really say much has happened – well nothing huge anyway. Kind of failed (didn’t finish my subjects) for Bible College in Trimester 2, repeating them this Trimester. Bella turned 2 about a week ago – she is growing up way too fast! Abraham is still at the bank, and has his police entrance exam on October 9th. Hopefully he will be successful this time around. I actually have quite a bit to say on this matter – but that is for another blog post entirely

I wonder why I’m so bad at updating this blog. I guess I feel like my life isn’t enough for people to car about! Or, maybe I just can’t make it sound interesting enough for people to read. I do have a few things going on in my head that I would love to get out though…