Ash, leaf, rock. New beginnings. So thankful…

I wanted to come in and share about the time I had at the ACOM retreat over the past 2 days. I cant say it was life-changing, but God certainly got my attention.

I have felt very distant from God. I haven't really prayed for a long time and often wonder if it is all really worth it. I was in a stagnant place and staying there was easy.

Abraham and I went for a walk this morning up to a ridge on the property we were staying on. The bushfires came within 50m of the cabins, so there were a lot of black, burned out trees and shrubs. When we got to the top of the ridge, there was still black as far as the eye could see.

I could hear God telling me that restoration was coming to me. That wellness and restoration were coming. He said that he was showing me the burned out trees and how he had burned me down to almost nothing and was slowly bringing new life, growth and restoration to me. He was showing me glimpses of that restoration in the green growing out of the black trees.

We were walking back down and felt God telling me to find some ash and to take it home. Abraham found some on the ground and handed it to me, but it didn't feel right. I had to go and take some ash off a tree myself. So I did. God wanted me to remember the burning down and the dark places I have been.

A little further back down, God then told me to go and pick a leaf growing from a black tree. So I did. God wanted me to remember that he is bringing restoration and wellness. He is bringing new life and new beginnings.

We had nearly reached the bottom, and God then told me to pick up a rock from the path. He wanted me to remember the path he had bought me on as well as to remember that He is always my rock.

I began doubting whether it really was God, or just myself talking in my head. I couldn't believe that God could speak so clearly to me. I was finding it hard to believe that God would talk to me in that way. But you know what, I cant deny it. It couldn't have been anything but God. He knew how to get my attention, I just had to listen.

We had gotten down to the bottom of the track and I smelled the leaf I had picked. It was sweet and smelled so fresh. God reminded me of the verse in 2 Corinthians about the aroma of Christ. He let me know that he was restoring my aroma and I would soon be able to live out the aroma of Christ.

So yeah, God has certainly been working in my heart the last 2 days at the retreat.

Abraham had to come with me because there was no way I would have been able to travel up there and stay the 2 days by myself.

I made it through the 2 days with minimal panic/sickness.

I also had another breakthrough while there. As I said before, I hadn't really prayed for a long time. I could pray in silent, in my head, but never out loud. I felt like I wasn't as eloquent as other people when I prayed. I felt like my prayers didn't matter or that God wasn't going to even answer them anyway. On the 1st day, I prayed out loud for the first time in about a year. It felt so freeing. I then went on to pray numerous times over the retreat.

So yeah, this is where I am at right now. I am not cured or healed of my panic/OCD issues. However I now know God is walking every step beside me in this journey.