You know how you feel like you are beginning to get somewhere? Like you are making progress towards a better you, a better life, a better future. You finally feel close to God and feel like you can trust Him? You have finally moved forward and beaten some things that were holding you back?
You know how good it feels? Then it all comes crashing down around you and that one step forward doesn't seem to matter anymore.
I feel like I had this “mountain top” experience and now Satan is getting his claws in and reeking havoc on me! He is having a field day and the sad thing is, I am probably letting him.
I feel like I am worse off than before. That any hope I had that things could be different has disappeared.
I know that tomorrow is a new day, but right now I feel like it doesn't even matter. Argh, I hate it that I talk this way! I need to be positive, I know that. Its hard seeing glimpses of hope and wellness after so long struggling day after day. You kind of let yourself up for a fall.
Maybe I knew all along it was coming and I didn't even put things in place to combat it.
Okay, so I may have had a setback, but I cant let it beat me. I have to have hope, otherwise, what else do I have?
I am wallowing right now, yes I know. I just needed to get it all out and start fresh again tomorrow. I have to, otherwise I will be stuck in the same rut I have always been.
Perhaps I thought it was going to be easy. I just need to look at the ash, the leaf and the rock and know that God spoke to me. I need to trust His ways and His plans. I can only control so much. He has spoken something over my life and I need to believe it and own it.
Lets see if together, we can do it
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